chipstah!



Dallas Republican
black turtleneck
go figure

New posts are HERE!

... and so are
the old ones!
















This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?
18.4.03
 
Holy Days, holidays

Today's posts will be the last for a couple of days; taking a break from blogging for the weekend. Like Dick Cheney, I will be travelling to an undisclosed location.

My responses to protest posters are here, and pictures of cousin Marine Tad and my bomb are here. Latest ruminations on Fox Blondes are here and here.

And since yesterday was Passover, today is Good Friday, and Sunday is Easter, there is a great column on prayers on National Review. The ending:
"When amazing things happen, God is talking to us.
When Iraqis welcome Americans.
When loyal Saddam soldiers surrender.
When people are found in dungeons by Coalition troops who never stopped looking for them.
These things happen when children pray and God listens."
Great days indeed. Happy Easter, Passover, Spring Weekend, or whatever you call it. See you next week.

 
Re-runs


Saddam or Not? is back on the air, with a special "encore episode", supposedly shot April 9.

I wish I could see the video, but Comcast Cable has STILL not fixed things. Grrr. The fatwa on them is doubled--144 virgins!

My thoughts on the new video?
1. It's a fake. Remember what happened April 9. NOBODY in charge on the streets, Saddam statues toppling like bowling pins, not the best time for this guy to do a grip-n' grin (nice for Saddam to reprise the "Great Leader hails a cab" pose for the cameras to remember him by, though).
2. It would have been a better idea for him to air the tape, say, on April 9, wouldn't it?
3. As I told you all long ago, though, Saddam isn't dead. He secretly snuck out and is sleeping on the futon in the kids' playroom in his brother's house in Stockholm.


 
You call it corn, we call it maizemitgelbeninnenundgrunenaussen

And there's other big news involving Swedish sleeping arrangements today. Ikea is in big trouble in Germany right now over the name of one of its children's beds.


In Swedish, "Gutvik" is the name of a bucolic little village, perfectly suited for slumbering little children all snuggled up in their duvets against the cold, dreaming of hot-rod Volvos and maybe one day moving to Jesse Ventura's home state.

In German, "Gutvik" is a raunchy sexual term, loosely translated as "good f***". Unboring, indeed.

And there is an Iraq link here: recent rumors about Saddam's early years in the Ba'ath Party suggest that mustache-man liked hot bunks and Swedish films.

 
Texans messing with Texans

Celebrity newsflash: Sandy Duncan is a Texan, still alive, still pixie-like, and, like Natalie Maines, prone to criticizing the President outside the Lone Star State to scare up publicity:
"I don't have all the facts, and who knows what's really the truth, but I don't really respect his (Bush's) way of dealing with this situation. It would have been great to have someone really, really smart in that office, and someone who is globally aware."
Doesn't know the facts, doesn't know the truth, but doesn't respect W anyway, and wants someone "really, really smart". Thanks for the incisive geopolitical analysis, Peter Pan. Those Nabisco Wheat Thins may keep you svelte, but they don't seem to have done much for your critical thinking.

The aged pixie engages in media criticism as well:
"I don't think we're told the truth. There's so much rearranging of the words. They're not reporting anymore; they just rearrange the words of what was said before."
Wow. A double play, channeling the Dixie Chicks AND Janeane Garofalo in the same interview! I don't think this will have the same impact, though; Sandy made the comments while plugging her "Sandy Duncan Celebrates Broadway" show in Columbia, South Carolina.

17.4.03
 
Why we fight


Picture of the year. Thanks, Tad, and every last one of your 300,000 comrades serving on our behalf for making it possible.

 
The dog is dead but the tail still wags

Even though the war (or at least the question about the war) is over for the most part, the hardcore protest crowd continues the proud tradition set by Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf.

Monday, the UCLA Faculty Senate voted to condemn the war, "the first university to do so since liberation", notes James Taranto.

And the wickedly funny Jim Treacher pointed us to this peace protest poster contest, which ends today, 8 days after liberation. Since our peace vigilante friends were so keen on telling us that war was not the answer, I thought I'd answer some of their other questions:


We sure did. Made the future a heck of a lot better for her and her child, too.


Absolutely. For example, this child will have better educational choices than the Fedayeen or prison.


You first. Actually, I grew up a long time ago, when I graduated from college, got a job, and started thinking for myself.


I didn't, but it's a great idea and a heck of an improvement on what was in Baghdad.


And the Kennedys and the Clintons are bad dates.


Depotism causes rashes; fight for liberty.


First this, then this, and now this. What is it with you people and bodily fluids? What's next? Pee-pee for Persia? Snot for Syria?


Sure, we've all seen individual signs that say "Bush is Dumb", "Bush is a Nazi", and "Bush is a Texan", but who would have thought to combine all THREE?

PS: don't mess with Texas. You have been warned.


Personally, I'd love to spike that ball and do a little touchdown dance in the Baghdad end zone. But following the intelligent, culturally sensitive examples set by our President and the Marine Corps, I will refrain for now until the situation stabilizes to the point where we can bring enough troops back to hold a good victory party. After all, it's not just a victory for us, but also for the Iraqi people and for freedom lovers around the world.

 
"Each of Monica's butt cheeks were this big"


I would moan that Bill's back in the news, but then, he never really left. Aren't ex-Presidents supposed to, you know, go away for a while? You never heard one word from Bush the Elder during Clinton's term, and you know he had to be burning inside. Heck, even Jimmy Carter spent a few years out in the wilderness building houses.

But no, Billy can't resist (pun semi-intentional). In California earlier this week, he had some fun things to say about the President and our foreign policy:
"Our paradigm now seems to be: something terrible happened to us on September 11, and that gives us the right to interpret all future events in a way that everyone else in the world must agree with us. And if they don't, they can go straight to hell."
Hell, yeah. Absolutely. Especially when you take into account the anti-Americanism and anti-semitism of certain European and Arab "allies" in recent months (exactly who, je ne sais quoi).

It's working pretty well, too. Iran, North Korea, and Syria bending over backwards, the Axis of Weasels in disarray, the "Arab Street" waking up to the fact that the solution to their problems might not lie with delusional jihadi fantasies about America, terrorism against us much lower, etc.

Of course, I don't think that was the meaning "The Stainmaster" intended to give, based on his tone of voice and what he followed with:
"We can't run," Clinton pointed out. "If you got an interdependent world, and you cannot kill, jail or occupy all your adversaries, sooner or later you have to make a deal."
Oh, great, appeasement. Sure worked wonders for the French in 1940. Might go down well with the Europeans and the sillier elements of your own party, but not with most folks in this country after 9/11. Even your wife (remember her?) knows that. Not a smart move to suggest right now, either, when we have most of the terrorist crazies scared sh*tless after our military victory in Iraq. So much for your "nuanced" feel for geopolitics, cigar boy.

And by the way, Bill, it was on your watch that Osama was encouraged to try 9/11 with the support and admiration of so many evil folks.. Black Hawk Down happened because you wouldn't authorize tanks or air support (too "showy"). And then, when Somalia went bad, you pulled our troops out. Nice message. Khobar Towers bombing of our troops in Saudi in '96? No response; gotta be nice to the Saudis. Embassies bombed in '98? One cruise missile lobbed into a Sudan aspirin factory, another launched at Osama's tent, that's it. Can't have anyone suggesting "Wag The Dog". Sudan offers us intel on how to nab Osama quickly later on that year? Tell them to wait, Bill's at a golf tournament. USS Cole bombed in Yemen in 2000? No response there, either; you were too worried about your "legacy" and selling pardons for your retirement fund.

A legacy of meaningless gestures, willful ignorance and appeasement of those who hate us. Part of the reason we're having to fight these wars and put up with all the BS from the French and others is that nobody believed us any more when we talked tough, Slick Willy. Well, after 9/11 and two incredibly successful campaigns in our war on terror (Afghanistan and Iraq), the folks who wish us ill are finally getting the message. Which should help prevent future wars and terrorist acts. No thanks to you.

But why is appeasement OK in Bill's mind even after 9/11? You remember 1992, don't you? "It's the economy, stupid":
"Since September 11, it looks like we can't hold two guns at the same time," Clinton said. "If you fight terrorism, you can't make America a better place to be." Clinton said that if he were at the White House right now he would scrap a 726-billion dollar tax cut proposal made by the president in January to stimulate the flagging economy.
But then, if you don't defeat terrorism, you won't be alive to make America a better place to be in the first place.

Oh, and Bill, the war on terrorism isn't the problem with the economy. The recession, like the terrorist attacks, is all part of the "legacy" you kept brooding about. The stock markets began crashing in 2000, and economists date the current recession from January 2001. Terrorism, not the war on it, made things worse.

The real problem with the economy is business investment, not consumer spending or lack of attention. And the President's tax cut is designed to fix just that and give the rest of us more money along the way. Sure, some folks think you know economics, but economists know that the recovery and the last boom began in 4Q 1992, when you were still a clerk-chasing governor back in Arkansas. You had the good fortune to be standing there when people began to notice and the good sense not to screw it up further after they did.

Since Billy cannot shut up, The Onion suggests a solution, and I agree. Please, please, find a new woman to cheat on your wife with. Hillary is in DC, so no need to sneak around or get highway patrolmen to set up your rendezvous. And heck, now that you're out of office, you can even hit on more attractive women than the government clerks and interns you've played with in the past.

You'll have something to keep you occupied, and we won't have to hear from you for another few months. Do it for you, do it for your country.

 
More signs of victory

No victory party yet, but soon, and more signs the campaign is helping win the larger war on terror. We bagged Abu Abbas Tuesday, and Arab media are re-appraising their views. From Malaysia:
"The fact is the war is against terrorist symphatisers - people who even harbour thoughts of condoning Sept 11, 2001. The fact is that the US has so far been only tolerant of actions in other countries and against its embassies abroad.

It’s not about oil, it’s not against Muslims. It’s about making states live up to their promises about not tolerating random violent acts no matter what their grievances are.

... Their refusal to clamp down and their allowance of safe harbour for terrorists is no longer tolerated by the US.

The truth is that no matter what wrong the US have done in the past, it never justified the attack on the World Trade Centre and this series of war is meant to make the point clear to everyone."
Whoa. Heck, even the normally hateful Arab News in Riyadh is running paeans to the good character of the Marines:
"I am am greatly concerned that this war has polarized many Arabs and Americans. Knowing these Marines, however, has given me hope for the future of America and its relationship with the Arab world."
Read the whole thing.

Even France is trying to make nice. But since we still need a good villain, even if it's just for comic relief, Master of Nuance and Foreign Minister Dominique "Wilkins" de Villepin continues to provide us with some nice red meat to gnaw on, courtesy of Merde in France:
"We recently obtained the summary of a dinner conversation where Villepin, still smarting from the American victory, explained that the US Army would soon be in a weak position due to the fact that it is made up of working class Americans and inexperienced minorities (subhumans for this 'chosen one' who thinks of himself as high and mighty) who are 'motivationally challenged'"
Stick to ancient history, like Vietnam and those Napoleon books you write, Dom. Current events seem to be a bit beyond your grasp.

Even the New York Times (!) is on to you:
For me, the best argument for pressuring Syria is the fact that France's foreign minister, Dominique de Villepin, said on Sunday that this was not the time to be pressuring Syria. Ever since he blocked any U.N. military action against Saddam, Mr. de Villepin has become my moral compass: whatever he is for, I am against. And whatever he is against, I am for.


 
Signs of victory galore n' more

Laci Peterson. Yes, it was news Tuesday when they found those bodies in the water. But the DNA tests won't come back for another two weeks, and the networks are still in extended newsgasm mode about this a day and a half later.

And is it just me, or does anyone else think it's a bit bizarre that Laci and her husband hail from the same town as Gary Condit?

 
Fatwa on Comcast continues

Comcast Cable is out, AGAIN. So no Michael Jordan's last game, no Madonna "American Life" video to be disgusted with, nothing. It's still out. And their phone person attributes the cause to "upgrades" they're doing in my area. Which raises the question, HOW CAN YOU CALL IT A %@&$#! UPGRADE IF I HAVE NO PICTURE?!?!?!

Very Zen.

Until then, I guess I'll have to make do with pictures of Laurie Dhue and other Fox Blondes.
.

And if that doesn't work, I can always dream:


 
Turbulence

The part of me that wants my neighbors to keep their jobs and the part that has to travel out of DFW is happy that American Airlines got their wage concessions and avoided bankruptcy.

The part of me that actually does the travelling is praying that the flight attendants and gate agents don't take their frustration out on those of us who actually fly. As they used to say in Star Wars, "I have a bad feeling about this".

Heck, I'm even getting nostalgic for Bistro Bags.

 
Wishful thinking


CNN screws up, again. This time, by placing mock-ups of pre-written obituaries on its live website (every news organization has these, but they don't usually show them until the person is actually dead). They removed it soon enough, but the Smoking Gun was able to capture the web obits for Castro, Reagan, Cheney, Pope John Paul II, Bob Hope, and Nelson Mandela.

If you need help, CNN, my recovery plan is here.

In other Castro news, HBO has declined to run the Oliver Stone "documentary" on the dictator, "Comandante". Seems the network felt like a puff piece on beard-boy would not be a good idea while he is cracking down and executing dissidents in show trials.

Less Castro, more Sopranos, that's my motto.

15.4.03
 
Dancing with who brung ya


Roy Williams is the new coach. Welcome home, finally. And Dick Baddour (left) didn't make us look like total fools for once. The natural order of excellence returns to Tarheel Nation.


Judging from the press conference and the fact that nothing seriously screwed up happened, you know Jedi Master Yoda (or Dean Smith, whatever) had an active hand in this: "'I'm excited, and I know he must be,' Smith said. 'We thought it was going to be three years ago and it didn't work out.'"

Tikrit falls, major combat action is likely over and done with, UNC gets its basketball act together... the universe seems to be moving in the proper direction again. All it took was faith.

And a very wary eye on Dick "Athletic Director" Baddour.

Kansas fans, I apologize for my remarks yesterday; you have a lovely state and your beef ribs are darn tasty.

UVa and Va. Tech fans, I take back nothing. "Wahoos" and "Hokies" have no meaning that I can find, and they just sound darn silly as well.

 
Pillow talk


The long-awaited sequel to Miller Lite's infamous "Catfight" spot is now on the air.

This time, it's a pillow fight, and Pamela Lee joins in. The target demo will love it, their girlfriends will laugh at the joke being had on the guys in the spot, and other folks may take a different view. It's a free country. As the Iraqis say about America, Democracy! Whiskey! Sexy!

Victory, liberation, the economy showing surprising signs of life, Fox News Ladies... and now this. Almost every one of my Male-21-35-year-old-demographic hot buttons are getting pressed pretty darn hard these days.

There's only one thing left that could make it even better:


Pammie, meet Fox News. Fox News, meet Pammie.

This could also be another piece of my constantly evolving rescue plan for CNN Prime Time.

At 8 pm Eastern, replace Crossfire's Buchanans of the Left, Carville and Begala, with Russian bisexual teen pop duo Tatu. At 10 pm Eastern, replace the narcolepsy-inducing Aaron Brown with Pammie. Larry King remains on at 9:00 Eastern; we have to have one show to connect with the past glory of the brand and link it to the future.

I mention this because CNN is in trouble these days. Ratings are down compared with Fox and MSNBC, ad rates haven't risen like they should have, the network has admitted that it knew about Saddam's atrocities for years but reported the Saddam line instead in the interest of maintaining "access", and Brent Sadler's freelance shoot-em-ups, while exciting, have endangered every war correspondent in-country and can't be helping the network's insurance rates.

 
TiVo Alert

In other news about televised women writhing in bed together on non-pay-per-view channels, Reuters is running a story telling us that daytime TV will have its first on-screen lesbian kiss, on the soap opera "All My Children", April 22.

First lesbian kiss on daytime TV? Hasn't anyone at Reuters ever watched Springer?

 
The sad impact of liberalism on memory


March 6, 2003
Bill O'Reilly: "If you are wrong, all right, and if the United States -- and they will, this is going to happen -- goes in, liberates Iraq, people in the street, American flags, hugging our soldiers, all right, we find all kinds of bad, bad stuff, all right, in Iraq, you gonna apologize to George W. Bush?"

Janeane Garofalo: I would be so willing to say I'm sorry, I hope to God that I can be made a buffoon of, that people will say you were wrong, you were a fatalist, and I will go to the White House on my knees on cut glass and say, hey, you were right, I shouldn't have doubted you. But I think to think that is preposterous.
April 9, 2003
April 13, 2003
"I have nothing to apologize for. Boycotters are welcome to keep giving me tons of publicity. There will be no apologies."
April 14, 2003
Since you won't say it, I will, Jeannie:
You were wrong, you were a buffoon, you were a fatalist, you shouldn't have doubted, and we weren't so preposterous after all.

What's more, you are a shrill, shrewish, bloody-minded f**kwit with no sense of history or even irony beyond that defined by narrow-minded PC fashionistas of Santa Monica, no better than the self-absorbed Hollywood types you used to mock in such a savagely brilliant way, you self-righteous harpy.
So there.
And if we don't watch your new show on ABC, it isn't a McCarthyite boycott, it's a choice. Which we are free to exercise, even when we make choices you don't approve of.

 
Poetry corner

Life isn't all war, basketball, and women, though. Here are a few haikus composed by one of the AWACS pilots orbiting over Baghdad:
Republican Guard
Accustomed to all power
Now just a pink mist

Ah, Peter Arnett
Finally they realize
What a fool you are

Chemical Ali
The millions you killed slowly
Welcome you to hell

Silly Dixie Chicks
Caught up in Hollywood hype
You forgot your home
And IMAO, as always, has proposed a new holiday, "Thank America Day", to be celebrated by all the countries we've liberated (wonder if France will be forced to celebrate it twice).

And WHY is this in Poetry Corner? Well, Frank has begun composing a song for our liberated friends to sing, and has invited readers to contribute verses as well. A few of my favorites:
I love America!
It's there for you and me.
I love America!
So let's all sing with glee.

Without America there'd be no peace,
And the sun would never shine.
We'd all live in caves
And roll around in the mud like swine.

I love America!
So I sing this song.
I love America!
They are right when I am wrong.

I love America!
So I do a happy dance.
I love America!
But I hate France.

I love America,
their women are really hot,
and they actually shave their armpits
while our girls here do not.

I love America!
The land which destiny calls!
I love America!
You have such huge-ass malls!


 
South Central, Baghdad

Today's best comments on the looting. First up, the brilliant Victor Davis Hanson, in National Review:
"Consider the sheer historical ignorance of it all: Was Berlin a nicer place in 1939 or 1946? And why and for whom?"
And then Letterman tonight:
"I haven't seen so much merchandise flowing out of the stores since Winona Ryder."


 
Travel tips

Getting a bit late to comment on Syria, the French, and the rest of the Axis of Weasels; more on them tomorrow.

I did enjoy reading the tourism website for the City of Aleppo in Syria, though. The town is chockablock with ancient historical artifacts to see and explore. There's even an invitation to join the "FRIENDS of the OLD PART OF TOWN OF ALEPPO registered association", which I assume is the local historical society.

They're even up on modern history as well: the nearby resort village of Lattakia is where Saddam's family and high-ranking Iraqis are rumored to be sunning themselves in exile.

Aleppo's tourist board also has a special message for American tourists, helpfully printed in Arabic, French, German, Spanish, and what I assume is English, printed exactly as displayed on the site:
"we hate America. America God, America holy, and America Bible"
Not something you usually see in Chamber-of-Commerce literature. Wonder if we're still welcome to join the historical society. Of course, the bank account (account number actually listed!) for the Historical Society is in Stuttgart, Germany, so the city fathers may be looking forward to receiving American visitors sooner than we think.

 
Strategery

Being a Democratic politician must really stink right now. Dubya's approval ratings around 75 percent, and this appears to be just about the only strategy the Dems have left.

Or maybe not, but it does cut a bit closer to reality. Only problem is, every time they go down this road, W outsmarts them. Like Wile E. Coyote, some folks just never learn. Not that I mind.

14.4.03
 
Spring is sprung


Sorry about not posting as often the past few days. Wanted to keep the pictures of MarineTad and my personalized bomb on top, happy about liberation in Baghdad, and, hey, it's Spring, when Texas is beautiful. Lots of posts tonight, though, so if you get bored, scroll down to the next couple of topics. I've tried to include something for everyone.

 
Cover girl


This week's Time magazine sums it up nicely, just as they did in May and August 1945.

And if you want to look up any Time cover, click here. They even make it easy to look up the cover for your own birthday!

 
From great week to Holy Week


Interesting how palm fronds remain a gesture of welcome and celebration in that part of the world, especially since today was Palm Sunday.

Another strange coincidence of history: on April 9, 2003, we liberated Baghdad. On April 9, 1865, Robert E. Lee surrendered to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomatox Court House in Virginia. Meaningful not just because it was a big win for the U.S. Army, but also because of how both sides came together after the war, largely on the strength of the honorable way the two generals handled the ending.

And if history isn't your bag, here's Dennis Miller on the liberation of Baghdad:
When that statue went down, it reminded me of a narcoleptic trying to hail a cab.

Tough day to be a pigeon in Iraq. Where you gonna s**t?

All those portraits [of Saddam] look like bad Dirk Diggler portraits.

Our guys are in there, kicking ass, taking hyphenated names.

Listen, we're an understanding people. We've got a long fuse, but at the end of the day, it's connected to a big-ass bomb.
Dennis Miller is The Man. And a whole lot funnier than Bill Maher, too.

 
'Twas but a scratch


If you thought the Minister of Information was even remotely funny, click on this link RIGHT NOW. And make sure your volume is turned up. You will laugh your head off.

And if that isn't enough, here's what Dennis Miller had to say:
"Did you see the little press-flack for the Iraqi people? ... He didn't even show up for work yesterday. I understand he just signed on as Michael Jackson's publicist.
Still not amused? Here's Letterman:
Top Ten Things Iraq's Information Minister Has To Say About The War
10. "We're pulling down the statues of Saddam to have them cleaned"
9. "Don't believe that stuff you see on CNN...or NBC, CBS, ABC, Fox or MSNBC"
8. "If you ask me who the winner is, it depends on what your definition of 'is' is"
7. "Iraqi television is off the air because we didn't want you to have to sit through 'Becker'"
6. "Do you know of any job openings for a lying weasel?"
5. "Wolf Blitzer and I are engaged"
4. "Iraqis are in the streets celebrating Cher's 40 fabulous years in show business"
3. "Incoming!"
2. "Saddam's not dead -- he's just out with a case of the shingles"
1. "War? What war?"
Wondering who will sign this guy as an endorser first: Isuzu, Microsoft, France, or the Democratic Party.




Hamlet of the Plains


Deja-vu all over again. Maybe Roy Williams is leaving Kansas to coach at UNC. Then again, maybe he isn't. He's taking some extra time to decide, and everyone involved is chatting with the media about it. You can see the train wreck coming, can't you?

Everybody, that is, except for Roy Williams and "Athletic Director" Dick Baddour. No matter what the heck either of you say now or later, if this falls apart like it did three years ago, making Carolina look bad in the worst possible way, then both of you deserve MOAB suppositories. Administered with extreme prejudice. Of course, if Roy does return to the state that raised him and the college that made his coaching career possible, then all is forgiven and Roy will become the Pope (not God, but darn close). My University, right or wrong (though there's a lot more that seems wrong these days in the athletic dept.)

In the meantime, we get to enjoy Kansas fans getting all angry and worked up again. To them, Roy IS bigger than the Pope (even though Roy has choked in the NCAA enough times that Carolina fans would have been arguing whether or not to boot him at this point). A few enterprising Kansas fans have even started selling a t-shirt based on Coach Williams' remarks to an incredibly insensitive reporter who asked him about the coaching job thirty seconds after he lost the NCAA championship:

Ordering information for those suffering from Anti-Carolina syndrome is here. And you might want to refill your Thorazine prescriptions as well while you're at it.

Kansas fans must realize, of course, that this t-shirt is a shot across the collective Carolina bow. Or it would be, if anyone actually cared about Kansas. I mean, what is Kansas known for? Wracking my brain right now, and the only thing I can think of is barbecue sauce, which they make with ketchup, so that doesn't count.

I can't even think of a Kansas city off the top of my head, either. There's St. Louis, but that's in Missouri, as is most of Kansas City. There's Omaha, but, no, that's in Nebraska. Wait a minute, I do remember Kansas locations. There's the farm that got totalled in The Wizard of Oz. And Lawrence, Kansas, home of KU, was the town charmingly nuked back in the 1980s TV movie The Day After. And there's a whole heck of a lot of wheat or corn or whatever it is they grow up there and harvest with the tractors as large as Rhode Island while trying to avoid overmowing the missile silos.

AND no one has ever explained the term "Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk" to me. I would rant about this at length, but then I realized that "Tar Heel" sounds pretty silly outside North Carolina. But, fortunately, nowhere near as silly as Virginia's team names, The "Wahoos" and the "Hokies". Somebody needs to clean up that pollution in the James River, quick.

 
Fifth sign of the apocalypse


The winner gets a green card and a chance to compete in next year's American Idol contest.

 
Everything must GO!

MemeFirst ponders Saddam's kleptomaniac fixation with office chairs, based on the scenes of looting we're seeing on TV.

The always brilliant David Warren reminds us to stay cool about those scenes we're looking at on TV:
Saddam Hussein had 30 years to make Iraq unliveable; naturally people such as the West's peace marchers in street and media expect the U.S. military to put it right in 30 minutes. Just wait for the howls to increase. The UN has already accused US and UK of violating the Geneva Convention for failing to protect hospitals from looters. There will be a lot more such ankle biting to come
On the other hand, Scrappleface reminds us that the real looting ENDED on Wednesday.

 
Iraqis DON'T deserve a break today, say protesters

The antiwar crowd's other new objection to liberation? American fast food chains. I am not making this up, and this is not a joke.

Genocide, torture, terrorism, war crimes, rape, and pillage are bad, sure. But nothing compared to the evil, fearsome visage of Ronald McDonald, evidently.

Quit worrying about Ashcroft, candlelight vigilantes. You're destroying your cause quite nicely on your own.

 
Garofalo watch, day 5


Even Newsweek has joined the chorus of ridicule.

 
Feel the Joy



You might have missed this during all the liberation hoopla last week, but Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation finally got the go-ahead to buy DIRECTV, as I predicted a year and a half ago (I will keep the scathing observations about GM's board that I made back then to myself, however).

And why does this matter? Rupert Murdoch is one beer corporation purchase away from owning me, mind, body, and soul.

 
We report, you decide, phasers on stun

Going through some serious war coverage withdrawal here. Watching Fox News over the weekend, I noticed (since there wasn't as much actual news) that there is yet another reason behind the network's new success. Sure, the women are smart, and they're beautiful on a Bond Girl/Fembot level.

But with the makeup, the hair, the short skirts, the boots, etc., they could also qualify as Star Trek ladies. From the original series, back in the '60s, when "I Dream of Jeannie" outfits were not only shagadelic, they were also futuristic. Doubt me? You make the call:



From upper left: Fox, Trek, Fox, Trek, Fox, Trek, Fox, Trek, Bond Girl, Fembot.

Real journalism, fair and balanced, AND women who press every one of my inner thirteen-year-old's hot buttons.

It also explains Catherine Herridge. She's cute, especially with that tight sleeveless shirt thing, but she never mentally fit with the Fox Blondes until now. Something too cooly unemotional, sharp-edged, brooding, too brunette about her. Now I understand. She is a Vulcan.


 
Binaca breath-mints

Even MORE letters and Google hits from fans of MSNBC's newest sensacion, Bianca Solorzano. Thanks for the compliments, ladies (yes, strangely, there are women who do not know me, are not offended, and even enjoy this journal).

And for the rest of you, MSNBC has FINALLY posted a bio for her. Great picture, too:


I also keep getting hits on my blog from people who've done a google search on "Chris Jansing's legs". For you readers, I haven't found a picture to post that makes them seem that spectacular, and I still maintain that she looks more like a flight attendant than a true info-babe.

Look at the picture and imagine, half-sneering, over a very tinny loudspeaker: "... as this is a non-meal-service broadcast. The anchorpersons are here only for your safety, but if you do need assistance with something, please press the call button ONCE, and we'll see what we can do. We know you have a choice when accessing cable news, and we'd like to thank you for choosing MSNBC and hope that you'll choose us again when your viewing needs call for cable news in the future."

Executive Platinum on American Airlines, three years in a row. I'm either burning out or going insane. Or both.

13.4.03
 
POW rescue

7 POWs, 7 rescued. Thank God. Lots of prayers answered.

 
Signs of victory


All three news channels are full newsgasm mode about this sniper shoot-out in Central Baghdad. It is interesting to see close combat, but the first thing that popped into my mind as I watched the video and listened to the commentary from NY was not Ernie Pyle, but Jillian Barberie.

Anyone watching this coverage who has spent any time in southern California (or just turned on the 6 o'clock news whiole visiting) knows what I'm talking about: the war has been won to the point where we are treating combat like a typical L.A. freeway police chase:
"He is rabbiting the scene!" declared Aaron Fitzgerald overhead in the KCBS channel 2 news chopper, as a white Ford Taurus wove erratically through traffic on Aug. 6. "It looks like he's opening up a can. It spilled. He's wiping it off," news anchor Harold Greene told viewers. "We hope that is a soft drink," Mr. Fitzgerald added.
Next up: beeper/e-mail alerts to help make sure you don't miss the next shoot-out.