Dhue v. Eccleston
Laurie! Jennifer! Laurie! Jennifer! It seems like the anchor controversy just will not die. Yes, Geoffrey Allen over at Dog Snot Diaries has posted his response, along with some great-looking pictures of Laurie with her knee-high boots. Mmmmmmmmmm...
Since the weekend is here, I loathe unresolved issues, and I want to head out to get a beer RIGHT NOW, we'll just have to keep our own opinions about who is the hotter info-babe. You'll have to make your own calls. Even ApeChild can't make up his mind.
In the meantime, we should all just enjoy and be thankful for Rupert Murdoch and Fox News for bringing attractive women back to the anchor desk, or else we'd be stuck with this.
Happy weekend, Geoffrey, and thanks for the linkage and the support for MarineTad. And a thousand apologies for thinking you were from New York. Boston is a great town, Daily Catch is one of my favorite restaurants on the planet, and I will make sure I root for the Rangers extra-hard against the Yankees on Sunday.
The stars at night are big and bright...
I am now officially a Texan, in spite of my tendency to wear too much black, interest in political philosophy, penchant for vodka martinis and sushi, and my lack of twang or any real love of country music.
I've tried my best, though. I've lived here for four years, acclimated myself to the heat, bought a cowboy hat and a cool pair of boots and even worn them in public a couple of times, ridden in a limo with the steer horns on the front, ridden a mechanical bull (hint for those considering: wear a jockstrap and a cup, and take two tequila shots 30 minutes before), been to a Cowboys game at Texas Stadium and looked up through the roof, gotten drunk at Billy Bob's, done the "24 hours in New Orleans" bachelor party, and even had had the requisite horrifyingly epic messy breakup with a psychotic girlfriend that could inspire an entire library of country music albums.
But I didn't officially earn my spurs as a Texan until the other night, when a close friend called me up to discuss the plastic surgery she's thinking about having. This was a serious, lengthy, detailed discussion, without a hint of ironic amusement.
Guess it's time to start house-hunting in Plano, find a blonde wife, switch the area code from 214 to 972, and trade in the S4 for an SUV.
God Bless Texas.
Shot across the bow
Not only do people other than my extended group of family, friends, and colleagues, there are even people motivated enough to respond... and instigate.
While I am certainly pleased that Geoffrey Allen has linked to me and even commented on my blog, he suggests that I need an optician for thinking Laurie Dhue to be prettier than Jennifer Eccleston. Even after he inspired me to Photoshop Barbara Eden into a Fox News set.
Sacrilege? Sure. But sacrilege that must be addressed. I could emulate other media folks and resort to slander and the politics of personal destruction, maybe even suggesting, IMAO-style, that he enjoys cramming puppies into blenders, or didn't REALLY win the Florida vote in 2000. But that helps no one.
I will rise above temptation, for once. After all, we are both rational, pretty cool, right-thinking people, and according to Ronald Reagan's 11th commandment, "Thou shalt not speak ill of a fellow Republican." So in the best tradition of the news channel we all know and love, Fox News, we'll report, and let you decide.
Geoffrey's evidence relies on a comparison between an awful publicity still of Laurie and a screen grab of Jennifer, and I can see his point:
But that's not the whole story. Since almost all of Fox's stills stink, let's look at action shots of Laurie and Jennifer side by side. First, a weird mouth shot of the two, then a standard smiley shot.
Hmmm. Guess it comes down to personal taste, which may be attributed to the fact that Geoffrey is in New York, and I am in Texas. Jennifer is pretty, in a gritty, real, streets of NY kind of way, and Laurie has a bit more of that blonde airbrushed pastel-colored Barbie-doll/beauty-pageant-contestant sort of look that women here in Dallas spend big money to achieve.
I hate to resort to relativism, but this is truly a case of to each his own. And since I'm doing things I hate, I'll even speak French: Vive la difference!
U P D A T E
I do know of a decent optician in Dallas, the Carter Eye Center. Well, I don't know if they're good or not, but they have the best media buy I've ever seen: they sponsor the PENALTY FLAGS during Dallas Desperadoes indoor football games.
Quit snickering. Yes, I went to an indoor football game. But only because I was invited. But the guy who invited me was worth snickering about. Not only did he buy season tickets to the Desperadoes, he bought them as a VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT to his girlfriend. They aren't dating anymore.
Way to go, Tad!
We REALLY kicked butt in Iraq. Even the Israeli Army is jealous of the Big Green Machine.
Why we fight, part XXXVIII
Where else could O.J Simpson actually be contacted by actual networks about appearing as an expert commentator on the Robert Blake murder trial?
Remember, liberty also means being free to be stupid, too. Which brings us to...
Always nice to see them in the buff, but as social commentary, it's tired. Why not try shutting up and playing your music? Worked for Madonna.
Two words: Cheez Whiz.
Go check out Electric Venom sometime. The woman is wickedly funny and deliciously caustic, and she also points the way to useful career advice!
Coffee, tea, or...
Southwest may be the only profitable airline on the planet, but they haven't forgotten their soul in the process. If they tried this with the flight attendants, they'd be raking in the dough. Better hurry, though; Hooters is now launching an airline.
The celebrity of Donald Rumsfeld, Fox News, Hooters Air, Britney, Christina and Tatu, Maxim, Bush's tax cuts... not so much reason for us "angry white men" to be so angry these days, is there?
Bears in the woods
... show a great deal of mathematical aptitude.
Sorry I went away for a while, but needed to see the family back East and the rest and relaxation was good.
And I found out a lot about myself as well:
Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!
What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm glad the war is over, but withdrawal from the war coverage is tougher than I thought. SARS and Laci are important, but they just don't give you the same rush as watching the forces of democracy and Western Civilization ripping a new rear end out of the foul body of Islamic fascism, live and in color, now, do they?
IMAO has a few helpful tips, including the always sage advice, "Eat a corndog. No one can be depressed if they have a corndog." If corndogs, video games and knitting don't work, perhaps you should emulate the ninjas and commit seppuku by frisbee.
Geoffrey Allen over at Dog Snot Diaries shares my pain, and has a great post on the lovely ladies of Fox News, with great pictures.
He suggests I Dream of Jeannie reruns as a Fox fix, which isn't a bad idea:
And remember the other options I've mentioned here, including Bond Girls, fembots, and Star Trek women.
Geoffrey does commit heresy by admitting that he prefers Jennifer Eccleston over Laurie Dhue, but we'll forgive this momentary taking leave of his senses, because he includes Laurie on his list, and he gave me a link on his page.
Others suggest a pornstar-anchor connection (hat tip: Ad Rants), but I disagree; the Fox women know their stuff. No matter how exciting Juliet Huddy may be with her leather pants and loud moans whenever anyone mentions the French on Saturday mornings.
But it can't stop me from dreaming.
Other readers have wondered when we would see Anna Nicole Smith on the most powerful name in cable news.
I pray we never see the day.
Of course we should have a victory parade. Quit overthinking the spin, Karl and Colin. The troops earned it.
Ever wonder what happened to Pat Somerall? He's retired from Fox, of course, and he lives in Dallas. And he seems to be obsessed with home foundations, if you listen to the radio. Please, Pat, find a hobby. I am sick of hearing about the Cable-Lock system.
Listening to NPR the other day (missed my satellite radio up in Virginia), they led into a report on Democratic presidential candidate Howard Dean with this line:
"Today, candidate Howard Dean was campaigning at the Stonybrook Organic Yogurt Collective in upstate Vermont..."Which told me all I needed to know about Candidate Dean, so I changed the channel. That's concise reporting.
Five-finger discounts in Baghdad
Mark Steyn, as always, with the best take on the antiwar crowd's newest meme, disorder in Baghdad:
"Steal the photocopier from Baghdad's Ministry of Genital Clamping and they're pining for the smack of firm government."
I'm stumped. What do you call a group who:
-- Backs Bill Clinton over Monica Lewinsky in one of the highest-reaching and most blatant sexual harassment cases of all timeYou call them the National Organization for Women, of course. Although I can't imagine why, for the life of me, why you'd call them feminists. Must be because I'm just a man, with my pitiful testosterone-addled brain. Maybe I "just don't get it", but it doesn't bother me so much these days.
Fruits of victory
If you can get through the media spin, good things are happening around the world. From David Warren:
"Those who swore were suddenly swearing not at CNN but at Al-Jazeera, not at George W. Bush, but at Saddam, and Saudi sheikhs, and Hosni Mubarak. Suddenly, all at once, this terrible recognition that they had been lied to -- lied to by everyone; lied to on an extraordinary, systematic scale; told the biggest Lie that had ever been told."And we're seeing concrete expression of this belief as well: cancellation of a Holocaust-denial symposium in Beirut, retractions and apologies for the "blood libel" in Saudi newspapers (the anti-semitic myth popular among Arabs and Nazis that Passover pastries are made with children's blood), Arab media criticism of the Egyptian sweeps-week dramatization of "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion", calls from mullahs and ayatollahs to stop referring to Jews as "apes and pigs", and so on.
Even the French are backpedalling, according to France guru Dominique Moisi:
"Since they saw the rapid fall of Saddam's empire, the French are asking themselves if they hadn't perhaps been wrong in making themselves irrelevant to the course of history."Wow. The Arabs and the French, acting with some sense.
Fruits of victory galore and more
Susan Sarandon's made for TV movie, "Ice Bound", had the lowest weekly rating for a CBS Sunday movie in recent history.
"It is not clear if it was ICE's subject matter -- a woman suffering from breast cancer in the South Pole -- or if it was viewership rejection of Sarandon that resulted in the startling ratings crash."I'd have to say both.
We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Blogging resumes when I return to Texas Tuesday night from the undisclosed (and very green) location where I've spent a long Easter weekend. The same location that prompted VolvoJeanne to exclaim, "Would someone PLEASE inform these people that the Civil War ended over a hundred years ago and THEY LOST!?!?!"
This plan assumes, of course, that a certain Fort Worth-based airline hasn't gone bankrupt by then. So nobody ask for extra pretzels, and whatever you do, keep quiet about the secret free-hookers-for-life executive retention benefit until, say, about 10:30 tonight. Hell hath no fury like a flight attendant scorned.