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Dallas Republican
black turtleneck
go figure

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13.6.03
 
D O N E !



My journey to the dark side is now complete. The evil twin is now in control.

In other words, please go here for new posts.

And there are even new posts there!

11.6.03
 

Almost done. On Thursday, my journey to the dark side will be complete!

9.6.03
 
Evil twin getting evil

Cut, paste, edit, resize, publish, cut, paste, edit, resize, publish... been hard at work getting the evil twin (the new site) ready for battle, coming real soon now. It's becoming a monster job. It wasn't supposed to be, but I wanted to put my old posts up on the new place, started fiddling and tweaking with the posts, the code and especially the pictures. I didn't know HTML from BBDO when I started this thing and wanted to get it right on the new site. Especially since you'll be able to search all the articles. Sort of like George Lucas when he came out with those "Special Edition" versions of the original Star Wars Trilogy a while back, but with more pictures of Laurie Dhue and no Ewoks.

Here's a sneak preview, using the lovely ladies of Fox News as the example. Here's the original version, if the page loads at all and the oversize images don't choke your Internet connection. Here's the evil twin version, at the new place, which loads quickly and looks great. I'll let you know when I make the for-real switch and start officially blogging at the new place, so for now, but not much longer, main posting will be here. A few design tweaks still need to be done and lots of posts need to be moved.

This is a very long-winded way of saying thanks for your patience, which appears to be almost limitless. A couple more days, and we're golden.

 
Thank you, Madonna


Not Madonna.

I still don't know exactly how this came about, but I ended up watching ABBA videos over at a friend's house for part of Sunday afternoon. And I laughed my head off.

OK, let's give the Volvo-driving foursome a little credit for doing videos years before everyone else, and I know I'm writing this after twenty years of Ridley Scott, MTV, and the Wachowski brothers redefining our visual vocabulary, but come on. The ridiculous outfits, the soft-core porn gauzy filters on the lenses, the goofy poses (what was the deal with them always looking up?), the Eurovision Contest vibe, the men with better-looking female hairdos than the actual women, the IKEA-like earnest cheerfulness, the incredibly cheesy special effects... so bad, so horribly, dorkily, un-self-consciously awful, it's funny.

Then it hit me. Years from now, when explaining politics to my children and they look at me all weird and think I'm just running off at the mouth about Stalin, Hillary Clinton, Pol Pot and all that, all I will have to do is find this DVD, play it, and I will tell them:
This is what Socialism did to rock and roll.
And that will be that.



And I also have to thank Madonna. Sure, I loathe her pretentious, ill-thought out, America-slandering, Bush-hating hypocritical tendency to spout off. Sure, I will never understand what the deal was with the pointy cone things she wore on her chest. Sure, some of the things she did after she abandoned her Britney-for-us-Reagan-kids persona are truly bizarre.

No matter what she has done or will do, though, at least she spared us from 10 more years of ABBA. That matters.

 
Bears in the woods

Now that noted recluse and non-resident of EASTERN North Carolina Eric "the Terrorist Reindeer" Rudolph has been captured, he won't shut up. When talking with the authorities about his time on the lam, he helpfully noted that he hadn't been with a woman in so long that, in his words, "the bears started looking good".

Thanks, Eric. You killed people and brought terrorism to the South. You made Atlanta look bad when the eyes of the world were upon us in '96, and even made Juan Antonio Samaranch make frowny faces at us and not say that the Atlanta Games were "the best games ever". No, now, you have to also go and confirm certain stereotypes about people who live in the Appalachians. Cute.

Rudolph's lawyers are arguing that Rudolph's seven years of hiding are not a sign of guilt:
There are all kinds of reasons why people get scared and run and hide. I don’t know what I would do if I was the subject of a nationwide manhunt.
Well, if I was innocent, I might get in touch with somebody to clear the whole thing up to avoid seven years of salamander sushi and bear-bopping. Sounds crazy, but it just might work!

But if Rudolph is innocent as his lawyers maintain (and the legal system insists until he is proven guilty in court), why did he run up into the hills in the mid-90s without ever intending to come back if he was innocent? Possibly...
* Scary Spice was just too scary

* He got fed up with busy signals trying to log onto that newfangled AOL thing and just lost it

* He thought the "Terminator" movies were true, that the world would end in 1997, and was preparing to help John Connor in his war against the machines

* One too many letters from Ed McMahon telling him that he may have already won 10 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!

* Couldn't handle it when Ellen DeGeneres came out of the closet

* Accurately forecast the decline of UNC athletics once Dick Baddour took over as Athletic Director, and didn't want to be around to watch

* Got tired of seeing Judge Ito on TV and wanted to make absolutely sure he'd never see him again

* The Atlanta suburbs were oozing just a little bit too far north, and he took the only step he could

* Delta's '96 Olympics ad campaign with the "Chariots of Fire" guy flying around the world sent him around the bend

* Wanted to remember Bill Clinton as a slick, somewhat sleazy politician you only suspected of cheating on his wife

* Wanted to remember Anna Nicole Smith when she was just a curvy blonde in magazine pictures

* Knew something the rest of us didn't about all those Starbucks that started popping up out of nowhere
If Rudolph defies all logic and probability and is found innocent, he probably has a career in advertising awaiting him:
"There's nothing better than a half-eaten taco."
Or he could just sue Taco Bell for what he said already. It's already worked for some people.

 
Keep them doggies rollin'...

Kevin over at Wizbang is saying some nice things about me: "too good for Blogspot". Wow. Gracias! Kevin just passed the 10,000 visitor mark, and he's celebrating. Well deserved.

Kelley is saying nice things too. So cool, and even has a pic of Robert E. Lee as well.

Maripat won her linkage contest with Jay, woohoo! Kate celebrated her birthday in true venomous style (you can ask her how old she is; I'm brave, but I'm not that brave). Geoffrey has been asked to marque el dos para español one too many times.

Finally, Merde In France reports that the transport strikes have subsided, but the politician bandits continue their evil ways, slanted reporting and America-bashing continue to run rampant in the French media, and terrorists are running amok in the Sarcelles burbs.

In other words, everything's back to normal:
As usual the French are flattering themselves. They do not root for the weak, they simply try to get their kicks the cheapest way possible, as do all embittered losers. The reality is that French induhviduals are ready to root for Al-Qaeda terrorists against the office workers of the Twin Towers or root for bloodthirsty animalistic bomb belted Palestinians against Israeli civilians. There are few places as overtly anti-American on Earth as France right now. Americans should get used to the fact that they are hated here. Period.
La vie en rose...